Last Minute Lovin'

I have completely blown through my Christmas money already (even some that I'm hoping will come in the mail next week), but in case you need to do some last minute shopping, here are some goodies that make me pitter patter.

Charley Harper Prints, hold me back. And they are sold by his adoring son, so it's a family business kind of thing.

(Giant-looking) towels by Amy Butler. In the words of Rachael Ray, YUM-O. Fabric designer gone gazillionaire.

I love Rex Ray because he might be the only artist whom I discovered while he was still alive. And his art is psychedelic and friendly at the same time. Five framed postcards hang happily on my wall. Buy his book and learn from his genius.

Oh, and BY THE WAY

I know I always say BY THE WAY, but really. This time, there are no other words. We live in a darling neighborhood. I love it, but it's sometimes a thoroughfare for some, ahem, unsavory characters. And finally, the other day I was gutsy enough to document this fact for you, my lovely readers.

If you look closely enough, you'll see a very long pair of legs. These legs are wearing fishnet stockings. And yes, they are painted on the front of a minivan. Now I am not about to let some creep find this blog through a Google expedition for yuck-ville, so I will attempt to explain in code. Ahem.

There are certain "establishments" in our fair city, and in yours, no doubt, that tend to be open the opposite hours of a breakfast joint. With me? This "establishment" typically employs "very old, wrinkly, hairy women" to keep the company of other very old, wrinkly folk. Sometimes keeping company means the use of a large firepole. Got it?

So. Now that you now what I'm talking about, and now that we have avoided any creepy internet wanderers, I want you to know that this minivan is parked across from our driveway EVERY single morning. And it's not just this one, there's also a pink one. And every day, they back right into that garage door and unload who knows what. I CANNOT FATHOM. Dollar bills, perhaps? Dead bodies?

Either way, it creeps me out. And it also creeps me out that the man who usually drives up in these fishnet-painted minivans likes to walk his chihuahua down the alley all the live-long day.

Since it is the season of wonder, I invite you to share your own conspiracy theories about what in the world could be happening here. Just don't give us away--type in code.

Keep Yourselves Busy

This is what I look like as I emerge from my iPhone-laden cave in the morning. Boo!

A frightening thought crossed my mind the other day: how many hours do I spend sitting and staring at a computer every day? At first I was thinking, well, probably five. But when I got really honest with myself, I spend many hours at work on the computer, and then GOBS more time online once I get home! And as much as I enjoy reading, cooking, eating (duh) and adventuring around Seattle, I am still itching to check my email, see what's flashing on the Seattle Times, and read up on la vida de Dooce.

The natural reaction for me was to feel really guilty and depressed about the ways I am SUCH a child of this techy generation (I think maybe I'm a Catholic, deep down), but then I got over it and realized it would be way more fun to give you all ideas about how we can waste time together.

And without further adieu, places you should visit...

1. Stuff Christians Like is pretty much the pillar of my world right now. Sweet relief.

2. This girl, Annie, who used to sing at our church, is good friends with some friends of friends, is a really wonderful blogger (and singer!). She's worth reading up on, and don't just put her in your reader because the paisleys on her site are delicious.

3. Don't take this the wrong way, but if you haven't been to Chowhound yet, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Nebraska? (Hi Mom!) Articles detailing the importance of how to hold one's wine glass and the true repercussions of arriving late for a coveted reservation are enough to keep my Comcast bill very, very high.

4. Obviously, read my friends in the blog roll. That goes without saying, but I have uniquely gifted friends, if I do say so myself.

5. Mighty Girl is so stinking cool. If I lived in San Fran, it's possible I would stalk her. She is friends with Dooce, she wrote a book, her kid has a cute name, and she gets paid to shop online. Also, her hair is fiery red, and it is huge. Hair this awesome happens to be my goal in life.

6. Oprah, as in every other area, dominates in the cool website category. The recipe section is awesome, as are the endless pictures of Suze Orman looking like a wild banshee. And Lordy, the gift guides.

I also love Rotten Tomatoes, Anna Maria Horner, and the hometown newspaper from where I grew up.

And while I'm babbling away here, purposelessly, I should tell you that the perch on my couch allows a fabulous view of the Christmas/holiday/whateveryouwant tree atop the Space Needle and I am smitten.

Channeling Anne Lamott: Things (Hypothetically) Overheard While Working at a Church*

WARNING: May contain high levels of Christian cynicism and/or irreverence. Do not proceed unless you're in a light mood. I like my job, I love it, even, and the people I work with are great. They just have a mysterious lingo that needs to be ribbed.

1. "What is your growing edge?"

Translation: What are your weaknesses? How do you avoid looking like a loser in the workplace when you've make a huge mistake? OR Do you doubt God's existence? How much so? Would you admit that to a congregant?

2. "Why don't you speak into that a little bit?"

Translation: You didn't explain your point very clearly, so can you please be more articulate?Get to the point.

3. "I don't feel called to participate/The congregant didn't feel called/The elders didn't feel called..."

Translation: There's not enough money in the world to lead me back to the hell of bulletin-stuffing. Get a life.

4. "God put it on my heart."

Translation: I can't get this out of my mind, and although it sounds obsessive, I need to talk about this again.

5. "How can I pray for you?"

Translation: You look awful. Awfully tired, or pale, or worn out, or uninterested in responding to emails about marriage licenses and Baptism Sundays in June.

6. "You shared _______."

Translation: You spoke/told me about/reported/explained ______ in an especially spiritual tone of voice.

7. "God has a plan in all of this."

Translation: Wow. You really blew your budget. But I have a feeling there will be some good promos at Target this month, and if we time the announcements correctly, maybe we can rake in some extra cash to cover those Christmas decorations.

8. "I spent some time in the Word."

Translation: I brag about the fact that I spent time reading the Bible because more often than not I forget to do it, or I hit snooze, or I fall asleep mid-parable.

9. "This is God's Will."

Translation: There is no good reason that your child got cancer, you were fired after 40 years of service, or that racism keeps digging its heels into our community. Life sucks, and all we have is the glimmers of goodness that point us back to Someone Bigger.

10. THE CHRISTMAS SHIP JUST SAILED BY MY HOUSE. AS I TYPED. CHRISTMAS SHIP TRUMPS ALL! :)

*In no way does this post reflect the views of the church I work for, or the people who work there, or the level of sincerity in their collective expressions of faith. They're legit.