What Happens When You Don't Work on Fridays

Me: If you come early, you'll see our messy house.
Guy from Heating Company who had an appointment: I'll let you know how messy it compares.

Surveyor who wanders into yard from Energy Company: You have a gas line here, ma'am.
Me: No, I don't. We would have heard about that in our housing inspection a year ago. And, you know, paid a bill or something.

Me: Hi, I'm calling because your Surveyor tells me we have a gas line, only it's unmarked and it doesn't exist according to the city's big fancy map. And she says that's a problem because that means nobody ever checks on it, and it could explode like that house did last week.
Customer Service Person from Energy Company: Well, ma'am, I AM SO GLAD YOU CALLED. We will send a serviceman out.

Me: Hey, you guys are making me nervous, just standing out here in your hard hats and neon vests.
Five Men from Energy Company suddenly in my driveway: No worries, ma'am. We were just in the area and decided to check out this gas line.

...two hours later, back at my front door...

Five Men from Energy Company: Ma'am, we're not equipped to do the work that needs to be done underneath your house, but we have a specialist who will be able to remove this illegal equipment from your crawlspace. We are SO GLAD YOU CALLED.

I did not spare a ruffle

That's what my mom says when she looks at my baby pictures. Because folks, a ruffle she did not spare. And since genetics are not just a theory, I too hold ruffles in high esteem. (Sidenote: I also have her chin and her fine German nose.)

For example, I am going to redecorate (or...decorate for the first time, finally) our house in paraphernalia from this fine Dutch company: PiP. Brace yourselves for the FLORALS, the ruffles, and the brights. Get a life, beige.

Hello, Ego

If I try to blog about being married, then I inevitably spend two hours debating the line between attempting to be a funny writer and attempting to pick a fight by sharing an embarrassing anecdote about my husband's personal grooming. So. Even though the post I just wrote was highly funny, Olympic-level comedy (I'm giving myself so much credit! My sense of self is improving! THE THERAPY IS WORKING!!!), it was at my husband's expense. Just so you know, it was way funny. Pretend you got to experience it, and then nod in appreciation for my highly developed sense of prudence. Prudish. Prude. Teehee.

So although you'll have to go without the funny grooming story, I won't deprive you of the recipe for my wildly successful dinner tonight. (Again, the self-confidence is astounding.)


















That's a helluva glaze. Am I RIGHT? Costco makes it possible for us to maintain a highly carnivorous lifestyle, despite Dr. Oz's bestselling attempts to turn us into away from meat forever. Get excited, this is going to make you a supahstah.

Ego Pork

2 lbs pork tenderloin (mine were two separate loins...if you know what I mean)
1/2 bottle Newman's Own Light Italian Vinaigrette (the point is that it's not full of disgusting gelatinous chemicals, otherwise it can be just about any oil-based dressing, even homemade!)
2 Tbs dijon mustard
1 lemon's juice
lots of cracked black pepper
lots of sea salt

Dump all goodies into a gallon-sized ziploc and marinate overnight, if you can. Take 'em out of that bag, sear them in a heavy duty skillet to get a nice crust. Don't give up too fast! Let the crust happen. This is a good time to appreciate the word crusty. Invite your neighbors to come hold you accountable, in the words of the Baptists. Whatever you have to do to leave that crust alone and make it crusty. Turn it over little by little, working that crust like Julia Roberts worked Hollywood Boulevard. It's a metaphorapalooza!

Then add a little glug of water to the pan and pop it in the oven to roast. Now I have seen recipes insist on 475 degrees and I have heard caterers claim 375 will do the trick. I opted for a preheated (duh), 400 degree oven, and I just kept testing those little loins until they were done enough for my liking. I don't mind a little pink, but my gramps eats bacon while it's still squealing. Mmm.

Say you're following my lead and roasting at 400 degrees--you'll let that loin roast for about 35 minutes, then check to make sure it's to your liking. Use a thermometer if you're fancy, or cut into it if you aren't going to panic about the leaky juice situation.

Oh my gosh, this post is so long you could've already eaten dinner by now. Sorry about that. Skip forward to when you take out the cooked-to-your-liking roast, let it rest for five minutos, then slice and serve with some pan juices drizzled over top.

You're welcome!

PS- You can also make my luxurious mashed potatoes by adding melty cream cheese and an extra scoop of cheddar to your own personal recipe. You're welcome again.

PPS- Can you tell I had caffeine today? That was fifteen hours ago and I am still so tightly wound, I just, I can't even think of how to explain it but to refer you back to the 1000 word blog post I just wrote. Next time the 'roaster who is training me (I got another, additional job, btw) says caffeine isn't really that much of a stimulant, I will refer him to this post.

Sleuthing it out

Any fleck of boredom has lately been cured with Craigslist. In the past, I've been overwhelmed by line after harsh blue-fonted line only a few minutes into perusing for, say, a Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams couch for $1.50. It's a lofty goal, I admit, and until a startling discovery called Craigseasy, I withered easily.

Not anymore, folks! Now that I can sort so swiftly, and most importantly by viewing lists of images, I am a Craigslist...dominatrix? That doesn't sound quite right (God help the google search), but in general, I am DOMINATING Craigslist.

Recent finds include a refinished daybed and trundle, a Pottery Barn seagrass chair that never actually got picked up (not the point!), and some disrespect for the owners of a certain antique shop in Crown Hill who obviously don't follow online etiquette.

But what I really want to talk about it how you search on Craigslist. Ebay is so much easier, they think of things for you! But Craigslist takes much more calculation.

I'll show you my keyword search list if you'll show me yours...

seagrass
tufted
velvet
eames
rocker
rocking
club chair
pottery barn chair
malabar
west elm
crate and barrel
garnet hill
restoration hardware
anthropologie
console
side table
slipper chair
sisal
cost plus
world market
pier 1
hemnes
billy
mitchell gold bob williams
design within reach/dwr
club chair/leather club chair

Saturday Morning Run Down

Because I have no shame in my now-withered blogging skills, I give you a list of the latest. Ahem.

1. The husband is gone. This means that I have gone cray-zay with organizing, stopping in the middle of organizing to go organize something else, cooking, stopping in the middle of cooking to go back and finish organizing, stopping to watch an episode of The Real Housewives of [insert ridiculous city here], then deciding it's time to paint the bathroom. I have also installed a new shower head with great aplomb and uninstalled a toilet seat. Alas, the new one is still not installed. I am hovering.

2. I just read a story about a mom whose son used the word "retarded" to insult his brother. Teaching her son how hurtful/inappropriate/jerky it is to use that word wasn't what I loved most--his consequence was researching nonprofits that support kids with developmental disabilities and donating two months allowance to the one he liked best. Isn't that smart? I don't know if it's all Gottman-approved, but I liked it. Go Mom!

3. Typography is my current obsession. I've made some new friends who are designy, and let me tell you, I am greedy for their knowledge. Have you ever thought about the people who DRAW THE LETTERS WE TYPE? There are people whose job it is to draw letters. WHAAA? It just blows my mind. All I want for Christmas is a Helvetica t-shirt.

4. Our house is getting cuter. It's actually significantly cuter when it's clean. Cheap fix, eh?

5. Last night my two favorite curly haired girls came for a sleepover. We watched The Incredibles, ate quesadillas and Weight Watchers ice cream bars, and fought over a Care Bear named Monkey.

6. It's still no fun to ride an hour on the bus to get to work. Get with it, Metro Transit.

That's all for now!

Yours,

Spazztastic

Ear to Ear

Let me give you a window into my brain this morning. It's 6:51am on a Saturday, and my heart and head are so full, sleep seems ridiculous.

*Arrived home from Camp Side-by-Side last night to a happy husband and a NEW HOUSE! Dustin moved in while I was gone, and he painted the kitchen, dining room, and our little library.
*Not only was the house painted, Dustin picked out the most perfect blue known to humans and painted the little studio out back...then he set up my sewing machine and my favorite lamp. I am have my own ART STUDIO!!!
*Making new friends at camp is still one of my most precious memories of being a summer camper growing up, and Camp Side-by-Side did not let me down this week. I had no idea I had room for more best friends.
*Our friends just gave us a gift card to Pottery Barn, which is clearly going to be spent today.
*I got to hear Tony Campolo speak last night on HIV/AIDS and the Christian response in 2010.
*Because my boss is awesome, I get to have a whole more week to think about my overflowing cup.

Legacy Leaver

Holly is becoming nothing more than a glorified list-maker, you say. Well, you are right. But I will plunge onward. Substance by damned!

Behold! Helpful Tips from around the House, Volume 1/Generic Post Titles Volume 300:

1. Before opening a can of ______, wipe the dust off the top by swirling the can on your back pocket. When I was about twelve, I asked my mom why she always "buttdusts", and she was bewildered. This doesn't happen to my mom. Then she told me my grandma used to do the same thing, and that it is probably genetic. But anyway, try this. No more lint in your black beans.
2. Ironing is for the birds. Or chumps. Or people who actually have an ironing board. Here at our house, we throw a wet washcloth in the dryer with our wrinkly apparel and look spiffed up in no time. Five minutes is all it takes!
3. Stuffed up? Feeling crappy? Stand over the bathroom sink with a beach towel over your head, blast the hot water, and pretend you're having a spa experience. I'm telling you, the Group Health Nurse Hotline saved me with this one on Christmas morning.
4. Buy enough underwear (and clothes) so that laundry needs not be done more than twice a month, if that. It's the lap of luxury. Be sure to make space in your closet for the massive piles that will accumulate.
5. Arrange your furniture so that you can store junk behind the couch, armoire, etc. Our linens are packed politely behind our loveseat. It's classy.

It's hard to believe I made it through five whole housekeeping tips. I am really full of wisdom tonight.

And to make this reading worth your while, I present, The Pinching Preacher. From my hometown of Parker, Colorado. Watched repeatedly, the laughter will burn a day's calories.

Being my mother's daughter

It's taken nearly twenty years, but I have finally caught the bug my mom has always tried to give me--SEWING. Now it may sound a little unexciting to you, this novel idea of stitches and thread and fabric, oh my! But folks, let me tell you something. This is big. Because I have just found a new hobby, and I have the world's greatest link to that hobby in my super-connected-quilting-editor mother. This means my new hobby is subsidized!

Please enjoy the following snapshots of creative chaos. Dustin is loving the trail of threads and lack of time spent together. Ha! Just kidding. He's egging me on, every minute. Most minutes.

Pile of scraps, airmailed by la madre. Grazie!

Favorite small child, joining in creative expression.

Tadah! New pillow. Lumpy corners.

Future baby blanket? I think yes! Perfect? I think not!

I'm a sewing MACHINE. :)

Goodbye, Sweet House

My parents closed on the sale of our house in Parker this week. But the new owners are really cute--young newlyweds, just like us! :)

Farewell, 11602 Sagewood Lane. Thanks for the memories.