Learning to bite my tongue? Well, luckily, I can still have my blog. Here are the things I would have said today:
"Hairstylist, I did not ask to look like the fourth member of Charlie's Angels. I know you like to make my hair feathery. And I know it's really cool that the texture can be oooooh so wispy, but I'd like to be able to re-enter society this afternoon. So START OVER."
"Salesperson at Pasta and Company, please do not judge me for coming here twice already this week. I have been sick--too sick to want to cook. If you're going to judge me, then please pick a different area of my life, like how I'm still lusting after designer jeans even when I know it's a waste of money and really challenges my ethics. Yeah, that would be a good place to start.:
"Husband-to-be, please take the day off work and spend it with me. It does not matter that the future of America's youth really does depend on people like you. It does not matter that your kids have a spelling test, or that you're planning to debut a new read-aloud selection. I would prefer to spend the day reading in a hammock together, so if you could just make that happen, I'd appreciate it."
"Woman in ridiculous silver booties, please don't wear shoes that can't support your six-foot frame."
"Weddingbee Editors, PICK ME ALREADY."