Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sweet 'n Low

I have been avoiding this post for a long time, mostly because it's going to reveal some humble truths about the way I like to eat. And for someone who calls herself a foodie, humble food (or pie!) isn't exactly boast-worthy. In fact, it's downright embarrassing. But I finally decided that enough is ENOUGH, and I am sick of reading food blogs that berate the Hostess fan, lampoon the closet McDonald's lover, and implore addicts of High Fructose Corn Syrup to "just say no."

Just say yes, I say!

So, in quiet moderation, or until you've the courage to eat your Mickey D's in the presence of Anthony Bourdain himself, try indulging in some of my favorite "lower rung" delights. No judgment allowed, now. This is me being very, very vulnerable.

In no particular order...

1. Hamburger Helper. Hallelujah! I always forget about this one, because I'm constantly steering clear of this entire "dinner in a box" aisle. But baby, don't miss the stroganoff. When you're hungry fast, this is IT.
2. Late-night Taco Bell. I can't really bring myself to eat Taco Bell while it's light outside, I guess I'm afraid of seeing what's really in that taco, but after dark...I'm basically like Edward Cullen on a Mexican Pizza.
3. Pre-fab cookie dough. Yes, I know that Nestle is a pack of jerks for buying up natural resources (agua) and then profiting on them in obscene ways. Yes, I know they exploit mothers in Latin America by luring them into infant formula addiction. So don't you worry, I BUY THE SAFEWAY BRAND. And they are just as good. ;)
4. Sour Patch Kids. Dustin thought he had married an alien when I ate an entire bag this summer, having NEVER had them before. But Abbie gave us "Sour Salad" as a wedding gift, and I just couldn't say no.
5. Jalapeno Poppers. I don't care that the frozen box looks a lot like the cover of an 80's dance album. They take thirty short seconds to zap, and then I feel like I'm in a little piece of heaven. For less than five dollars.
6. McDonald's Sausage McMuffin with Egg Sandwich. I try not to drive by McDonald's before 10:30am, that way I'll know it's not even an issue. They've already been snatched up by the lucky devils that came earlier.
7. Ramen Noodles. Three minutes? I think YES!
8. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. The blue box, please. With hot dogs? EXTRA POINTS! (This is a sign that I have officially been in the babysitting biz for ten long years.)
9. Cherry Pie Filling. This one will really gross my mom out. But oh my GOSH, when it's so gooey like that? Yummmmm... That's not natural, but who cares?
10. Fanta, Fanta! Don't you want some Fanta, Fanta? Orange Fanta (or Pina Fanta, when in Rome)...makes my world go 'round.

Okay, so admit it! What are you favorite guilty pleasures? Don't get all Whole Foodsy on me, DISH!


Maryann said...

"I'm basically like Edward Cullen on a Mexican Pizza." Not only does this remind me of late night trips to the Bell with Emerson PA's, but you know I love the imagery too. :)

My guilty pleasure is probably Mambas. Not only are they killing the environment by wrapping the candies three times over (individually, according to flavor, and then all wrapped together), they are made of nothing but chemicals and unnatural flavors. But I love them. Great post!

loverstreet said...

how to choose? my junk food leaning is completely dependent on the company, my mood, the time of day, and a slew of other factors. most of the things on your list are off for me because they are full of gluten, but i make my way around that.
1) fries. oh i love fries, ranging from drive through, to drive up (dicks), to brewery style. any way you fry them, i like em.
2) on a recent trip to the grand canyon i found myself eating cheetos for breakfast. licking that orange powder off your fingertips at 7am makes you turn over a new leaf. one that defies convention with a fist shake.
3) and then the sweets: a snickers or skor bar and a coke are often the fuel that get me through my afternoons on the boat ramps.
4) one staple i can't ever resist: honey bbq flavor twist fritos. keep them away from me please. unless i beg you to bring them home for me (as i sometimes do to brandon).
that just scratches the surface of my indulgences, but i feel better to have them in writing. thanks for the inspiration.

Carly said...

Holly, you're speakin' my language baby. As someone who prides herself on loving almost all genres of food and delights in trying new and fabulous restaurants around the city, you know I love me some not-so-healthy, not-so-natural foods. Here goes:

1. KRAFT Mac & Cheese: It's the classic and still the best. While I love the occasional Annie's (organic) and of course Icon's version, Kraft never lets me down.

2. Grilled cheese: It has to be made with Kraft American cheese because there really is no other way. Add in some Oatnut bread and Campbell's tomato soup (made with milk, never water) and you have one of my favorite wintertime meals.

3. HOTDOGS: Seriously, I love them. Costco dogs with sourkraut are delicious and cheap, but the ultimate dog can be found at the Dante's Inferno cart late night on various downtown Seattle sidewalks. Add some cream cheese, grilled onions, and sourkraut and I am one happy girl.

DH Stitches said...

As the woman who bore you, reared you and above all fed you, I find that I must explain a few things. After which I will confess what my favorite guilties are.

#1. the only reason we ever started buying Ramen noodles was that Skip wouldn't eat anything else. All the good food on this planet and he lived on Ramen, summer sausage and Cheerios.

#2. I suffered from a LOT of depression when you were little and that's why I made Kraft Mac & Cheese. And sometimes added hot dogs, if I was having an especially up-beat day.

#3. Cherry pie filling? REALLY Hol. Gross.

#4. Store-bought cookie dough? Grammy would have your hide.

Okay now for mine. I love Sonic's chicken strips and tater tots and I top them off with a watermelon creme slush. Heaven on earth.

I've recently discovered these things called Compleats which are microwave meals but not frozen. They have about half your daily sodium but they actually taste pretty good. And I even buy the healthy version in the green package so I feel pretty darn good about that.

Linda said...

Glad you stayed with the blogging world. Totally understand petering out on the wedding stuff.

dw said...


Or is that two words? Chicken Bake? Regardless- as soon as I read the word "Costco" in Carly's comment, my mouth started watering with the craving that will only be satisfied on my once a month ritual of stopping by the bulk capitol of the world and paying cash for this aluminum wrapped-goodness. No idea what I'm talking about? Just imagine chicken and ranch and some fake bacon and bread and melted cheese and dive bombs from flocks of seagulls and burnt tongues and plastic forks and knives!

I also eat day old pizza. Frigerated or not. Just ask H about the honeymoon. I'm beginning to realize that I make it through the day only to await my next guilty foody pleasure...

Holly said...

Well, you've all added some significant food to my fire here.

Also, MOM. You missed the part about not judging! That's the whole POINT! :)

Maryann: Taco Bell saved my life, you're right.

Dustin: That's why we're married.

Everyone: Let's lobby to get Sonic to Seattle, ASAP!