Sunday, January 16, 2011

Hello, Ego

If I try to blog about being married, then I inevitably spend two hours debating the line between attempting to be a funny writer and attempting to pick a fight by sharing an embarrassing anecdote about my husband's personal grooming. So. Even though the post I just wrote was highly funny, Olympic-level comedy (I'm giving myself so much credit! My sense of self is improving! THE THERAPY IS WORKING!!!), it was at my husband's expense. Just so you know, it was way funny. Pretend you got to experience it, and then nod in appreciation for my highly developed sense of prudence. Prudish. Prude. Teehee.

So although you'll have to go without the funny grooming story, I won't deprive you of the recipe for my wildly successful dinner tonight. (Again, the self-confidence is astounding.)

That's a helluva glaze. Am I RIGHT? Costco makes it possible for us to maintain a highly carnivorous lifestyle, despite Dr. Oz's bestselling attempts to turn us into away from meat forever. Get excited, this is going to make you a supahstah.

Ego Pork

2 lbs pork tenderloin (mine were two separate loins...if you know what I mean)
1/2 bottle Newman's Own Light Italian Vinaigrette (the point is that it's not full of disgusting gelatinous chemicals, otherwise it can be just about any oil-based dressing, even homemade!)
2 Tbs dijon mustard
1 lemon's juice
lots of cracked black pepper
lots of sea salt

Dump all goodies into a gallon-sized ziploc and marinate overnight, if you can. Take 'em out of that bag, sear them in a heavy duty skillet to get a nice crust. Don't give up too fast! Let the crust happen. This is a good time to appreciate the word crusty. Invite your neighbors to come hold you accountable, in the words of the Baptists. Whatever you have to do to leave that crust alone and make it crusty. Turn it over little by little, working that crust like Julia Roberts worked Hollywood Boulevard. It's a metaphorapalooza!

Then add a little glug of water to the pan and pop it in the oven to roast. Now I have seen recipes insist on 475 degrees and I have heard caterers claim 375 will do the trick. I opted for a preheated (duh), 400 degree oven, and I just kept testing those little loins until they were done enough for my liking. I don't mind a little pink, but my gramps eats bacon while it's still squealing. Mmm.

Say you're following my lead and roasting at 400 degrees--you'll let that loin roast for about 35 minutes, then check to make sure it's to your liking. Use a thermometer if you're fancy, or cut into it if you aren't going to panic about the leaky juice situation.

Oh my gosh, this post is so long you could've already eaten dinner by now. Sorry about that. Skip forward to when you take out the cooked-to-your-liking roast, let it rest for five minutos, then slice and serve with some pan juices drizzled over top.

You're welcome!

PS- You can also make my luxurious mashed potatoes by adding melty cream cheese and an extra scoop of cheddar to your own personal recipe. You're welcome again.

PPS- Can you tell I had caffeine today? That was fifteen hours ago and I am still so tightly wound, I just, I can't even think of how to explain it but to refer you back to the 1000 word blog post I just wrote. Next time the 'roaster who is training me (I got another, additional job, btw) says caffeine isn't really that much of a stimulant, I will refer him to this post.

1 comment:

The Ingrams said...

I giggled the entire time I read this, just fyi. You are a fabulous writer - and an even more animated one on caffeine!

And that recipe sounds amazing!! I'm trying it this week.

Love you!